Social Networking & Tweens - Who Needs to Follow the Rules?
Source: Dana Zaloom
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Social networking is not going away. As a matter of fact, it is growing faster than anyone could have predicted. Facebook currently has over 350 million users. Who knows how many of them are under the age of 13? A good guess would be in the millions. However, Facebook does not want your tween on their social network, and neither does MySpace. Both sites clearly state in their Terms of Service that the minimum age is 13. In spite of these warnings, an alarming number of parents are willing to let their tweens sign up. This was evidenced recently in a CNN Online article: "Social networks and kids: How young is too young?" in which numerous parents freely admitted to letting their kids duck the age gates.
What is happening? Now, more than ever, kids as young as six are looking for an online outlet to connect with their friends. They are equipped with laptops and cell phones, many of which connect directly to the Internet. The new form of communication has shifted from phone calls and letters to wall postings and photo comments. Social networks seem to be dominating our culture.
The dangers preying upon under-aged users of open social networks (where anyone can friend you) are frequently the subjects of talk shows. Some parents believe that their kids are not susceptible to these threats. It is not enough that they have taught their kids the basics about not talking to or opening the door to strangers. The real dangers of the Internet are subtler and longer lasting than many parents know. Everything your kids write or upload to their site will be there forever. This picture and paper trail is undeniable and ultimately unforgiving. All kids make mistakes, but at what cost? A username, which sounds outrageous like "heroinchick" gets the teen a lot of on-line attention but does it mean that she's using heroin? If not, it will be tough to explain that phase of her adolescence to a prospective college or employer.
When a ten-year old Facebook user attempts to "friend" the fifteen year-old brother of her classmate, does the fifteen year old know enough to say no? Does he realize that saying yes will expose the girl to his eighteen-year old friends and all their antics? They may seem harmless to him - they're only three years older... but they're eight years older than the ten-year old girl and that's a huge gap! Next, the new "fringe friends" are exposing the girl to inappropriate pictures, ideas and conversations. Totally inappropriate. Totally risky. Totally against the rules. But totally preventable had only Mom or Dad just followed the rules.
As parents, we want to teach our kids all of the virtues of making good decisions, treating others as we would like to be treated and knowing the difference between right and wrong. Teaching by example is probably the most effective way to instill these important philosophies of life. Choosing to follow the rules, especially when you did not make them, sends this message loud and clear. Your decisions might make you unpopular for the moment but they let your kids know that you are a rule follower, not a rule breaker and that you expect the same from them. It is also a parent's prerogative to raise the bar even higher than the rules might state. Explaining your reasons for doing so is a fair way to justifying your concerns and can encourage kids to share their views as well. Being an involved and informed parent is the ultimate goal.
We, as parents of tweens, have TWO choices and neither of them involves letting a child break the rules. The first is to tell your child you'll reconsider letting them use open social networks when they become of age. The second is to offer them an alternative - permission to use one of the new closed social networks that are becoming popular on the Internet. Kids like these closed social networks because the social experience mirrors the big social networks, but makes them feel safe because they can only communicate with friends that are approved.
To know if a site is appropriate for younger users, first look for safe harbor certifications from organizations such as The Entertainment Software Rating Board and the Children's Advertising Review Unit; then check them out for yourself. It is also important to make sure that there are Parental Controls in place, and make sure the site has security or privacy options. Only you know what's right for your child.
Remember, safe Internet use starts with mom and dad. Play by rules and your kids will too.
About the author: Dana Zaloom is Privacy & Safety Director at www.FaceChipz.com, a new secure social network for tweens. Dana holds a Masters of Psychology from Pepperdine University; and having raised four daughters is an expert on child development (and following the rules). Email her at: dana@facechipz.com.