Tolerate, Respect and Celebrate Our Differences

Source: Tween Parent Staff

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A cornerstone of parenting is being aware of what our children are developmentally ready to be exposed to and when they're ready to be exposed to it. At an early age, children simply try to make sense of the world around them. Most of us have been in the uncomfortable position when a child of ours blurted out a socially inappropriate observation (in a magnified voice, naturally!). While everyone knows that small children aren't yet able to apply the filters we've grown accustomed to as adults, it's still awkward to hear the words, "Wow...that lady is so old!" Once we move beyond our own social cues and judgments and remind ourselves of the reality of innocence, we face the question of how to go about raising children who tolerate, respect and, ideally, celebrate the differences among us.

During the tween stage, it can be frustrating getting them to focus on the larger world around them; they are likely deeply enmeshed in figuring out how they fit into their own little universe. The importance of being cool cannot be underestimated! Teaching them to be concerned for others and consider the significant issues of discrimination, tolerance and civil rights can pose no shortage of challenges. Luckily, schools are well versed in this important curriculum. But as parents, we also have an important part to play. The following is a short list of ideas for how you might bring the conversation into your home and engage in an enlightening discussion with your preteen.

1. Bring up situations that seem far-fetched for 2009 by citing the reality of the past. For example, "Can you imagine that when Grandma was in your grade, there were situations when dark-skinned people couldn't be in the same place as light skinned people?" Chances are that question alone will lead to other interesting observations and subsequent questions. Another probing discussion topic might be, "A hundred years ago, women weren't entitled to vote for the President of the United States." Once engaged, you have an opportunity to talk about equal rights. To bring it to their level, identify bullying and teasing as a form of discrimination; most kids can relate to that.

2. Getting your family involved in the history making Inauguration 2009 festivities can also prompt family discussions and prove quite thought provoking. You might consider recording segments of the Inauguration to watch together as a family. Afterward, you can ask your tween to suggest what stood out about our new President's speech.

3. Introduce your preteen to a classic biography (or film) associated with Civil Rights, such as Anne Frank's story or, more recently in the news, the biography of Harvey Milk, the gay rights activist. Watch Martin Luther King's "I Have A Dream" speech and initiate a conversation based on everyone's reaction.  Or select another biographical representation, order take-out one night and have a family discussion.

4. Visit your own "family tree" and share family stories that you might be aware of. Ask them to consider what it might have been like to settle in a new country. After all, the majority of us are either immigrants ourselves or descended from immigrants. You and your child could research recipes from other countries and prepare a meal together.

5. Find opportunities to point out stereotyping and engage them in a conversation about what they read, see and hear. Talk about what it means to hear people make assumptions based on only a few pieces of information, such as: Asians have high IQs, African-Americans are good dancers, French people are romantic, etc.

6. Plan trips to museums and suggest cultural exploration by attending street fairs or events that feature the arts of a culturally diverse group of people.

Perhaps most valuable suggestion of all is, not surprisingly, to be a positive role model to your child. Point out situations of bias as you see them and correct your child's misperceptions in a non-judgmental way.

Follow the old adage, "Walk the Talk."

Connect with other parents and share your thoughts:

Learning section of our TweenParent Community.

Additional activities or reading related to this topic:

PBS Kids offers a "Test Your Civil Rights Brainpower" quiz. It might be a nice way of sparking communication with your tween (and a healthy competition between the two of you!).

"The Meaning of the Martin Luther King, Jr. Holiday" by Coretta Scott King