Tips for Kids Going to Middle School: Social Security

Source: Tween Parent Staff

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The transition to middle school can feel daunting. Most preteens go from smaller elementary schools with a head teacher and a social circle limited to their classroom to multiple teachers, a broader peer group, and more independence. In our two part series, TweenParent.com asked mothers of experienced middle school kids for advice to help parents prepare their preteens for the first day and beyond. This article focuses helping tweens manage their social lives.

Finding Friends
As most of us remember, Middle School is an opportunity to branch out and make new friends. For many kids this can be an unnerving experience, so our parent experts have some suggestions to share with your kids to help them gain confidence.

• Remind your child that other kids are also feeling awkward. We are all human beings with the same feelings of insecurity. -Cari Kraft, mother of an 8th grade boy
• Expanding a social group takes time and there will be both successes and failures. A good place to start is by getting to know the person who has the locker next to you. -Cheryl Stahle, former middle school teacher and mother of a 9th grade boy
• Try to talk to as many people as possible, not just the kids you knew in elementary school. -Cindy Erwin, mother of an 8th grade boy
• My oldest daughter recommends always smiling and being yourself. Don't lie. When kids get to know you better, they may catch that lie and won't want to be your friend. - Raffi Darrow, mother of 7th and 6th grade girls
• Recognize that there will be more cliques than you've been used to. You don't have to be friends with all of them, but don't become their enemy either through gossip, name-calling or stereotyping. -Cindy Erwin
• Middle school is a crucial time for kids to socialize and come into their own. Don't be in a rush to pick your kid up after school. Give them time to chat and make/connect with friends. Arriving at school a few minutes early in the morning creates another opportunity to socialize. - Michelle Levine, mother of an 8th grade boy
• Encourage your kid to get involved in school-sponsored activities. This creates an opportunity for tweens to meet new people and become more connected to their new school. -Cindy Erwin
• Pack an extra goodie or two in their lunch. You'd be surprised how far a Ding Dong will go towards making new friends. Unlike elementary school, kids can trade lunch items. -Michelle Levine

Staying Cool
The "rules" change between elementary school and middle school and fitting in becomes much more important. While we may not want to accommodate every trend, it is helpful to our kids to be sensitive to this new pressure.

Uncool

• Parents -- ask your child before signing up as a field trip chaperone, even if you've done every one since kindergarten. - Michelle Levine
• Kissing your child in public, coming into the classroom or school, and getting directly involved in kid issues. - Cari Kraft
• Lunchboxes - kids use brown lunch bags. - Michelle Levine
• Telling your classmates when your parents leave a "you're great" note in your lunchbox. - Cheryl Stahle
• Theme stuff is out, patterns are in. - Michelle Levine
• Being the first person seated in class. You also don't want to be late, so it's a tricky balancing act that takes time to master. - Cheryl Stahle

Cool

• Having extra cash for after school treats, school supplies and tickets to school plays/shows. For boys a wallet becomes important. -Michelle Levine
• Anything that teen celebrities are wearing. - Raffi Darrow's 6th Grade daughter
• Sling backpacks (if your school allows them). They are smaller in size and useful for carrying essentials from class to class. -Michelle Levine
• Having perspective is important. Everything changes over the summer, so I don't know what will be cool this year. Someone might go to Taiwan and come home with a special eraser that everyone wants to have. I like to be myself. - Raffi Darrow's 7th Grade daughter

The Dreaded Gym Locker Room
Remember the days of changing for gym class? Between feeling awkward about changing bodies and the need to fit in, getting undressed can be a mortifying experience.

• Keep telling yourself that everyone is in the same boat and probably as embarrassed as you. - Cindy Erwin
• Wear a sports bra or tank that covers a lot. - Raffi Darrow
• Try to share a locker with a good friend who makes you feel comfortable. - Raffi Darrow
• Don't criticize anyone for his or her physical appearance. What goes around comes around and someday you may be the one who doesn't "measure up" to others' standards. - Cindy Erwin
• Let you daughter pick out some new, cute panties. I don't mean thongs! I mean cute colors and patterns, but only she knows what is cool. - Raffi Darrow

Getting the Balance Right
Managing homework, a social life and extracurricular activities can be challenging. It's important for your preteen not to feel overwhelmed. Our expert parents have some advice.

• Extracurricular activities are the soul of the school, allowing different kids and teachers to come together and focus on common, non-academic goals. Let your tween find one that interests them and branch out as their comfort level grows with managing academic demands. - Cheryl Stahle
• If the time commitment is significant (as with most sports). Limit yourself to one activity per season. - Cindy Erwin
• Bedtimes should be considered. For example, sports that have games that end at 10pm may not be conductive to getting up on time for school. - Raffi Darrow
• It's also important to provide your kids with time to connect with the kids they meet in school and extra-curricular activities. Too many commitments can be stressful when adjusting to a new school, schedule and newfound independence. - Michelle Levine

Help your tween get organized for academic success by reading: Tips For Kids Going to Middle School: Getting Organized.