Preteens, Travel, Museums: An Impossible Dream?

Source: Lindsey Tate

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So you're in Paris and you'd like to see the Mona Lisa and maybe even a few other paintings at the Louvre, but the mere mention of the word "museum" sends your tween into a state of frenetic eye-rolling. Or you'd like to visit a historical home and your tween says, "Ohmigod, why?" If a hint of culture or something slightly educational turns your tween morose and stubborn - or hysterical - don't despair. Such reactions are not abnormal. And there are ways to turn a cultural visit into one that works for all generations.
First of all, be prepared for eye-rolling. Not too many tweens will be super-excited to visit a museum. Expect verbal distress, dramatic outrage and even refusals to accompany you to your fascinating planned destination. Do not give in. Follow these simple guidelines and you - and your tween - may be surprised.

As a European expat living with my family in New York I have been lucky - and unlucky - enough to share many cultural experiences and disasters with my daughters, now 10 and 13. The "Oh my God, why?" reaction was my older daughter's response to a proposed visit to Henry VIII's palace, Hampton Court. I had forgotten a basic rule. Find a hook to grab your tween's attention. I tried again with my younger daughter, making sure to add, "There's a fantastic maze, and supposedly a ghost in the Haunted Gallery." Immediately she was onboard with the plans. For each cultural destination, think about your tween's interests and find out enough about the place you plan to visit to be able to give them one piece of information that will make them curious. My younger daughter has been lured to many a historical home with promises of ghost stories, and usually she spends the visit looking for signs of specters until something else grabs her attention. And something else will. Because for all their eye-rolling and attitude, tweens are still young enough to be interested in the world. At Hampton Court, the Chapel Royal where kings and queens were married and buried caught the attention of even my older daughter, as did the lavish and enormous 6000 square foot kitchens.

Tie in a visit to a book or movie your tween has read or seen. Many historic houses and castles have been used as movie locations. My older daughter was excited to visit the house where Pride and Prejudice was filmed, and all of us had great fun exploring Alnwick Castle in England, where early Harry Potter movies were shot. This was a great example of "hook your tween" with something and then reel them in with something else. Both girls arrived, eager to see the "real Hogwarts," but by the end of the visit they had moved on from Harry Potter to a fascination with original cannons dating back centuries and dungeons. Who doesn't love a good dungeon? From there we went to visit other castles, some still inhabited by Dukes and Duchesses, some just romantic ruins along the coast. But it was the Harry Potter hook that sparked the initial interest.

Lower your expectations. Once you've got your tween to your desired destination, don't worry if they don't look at every painting or if they speed through historic rooms. The idea is to have a positive experience, to have them take something away from the visit - just one painting they loved, an interesting historical object or just a sense of the past. At the Bronte's house (authors of Jane Eyre, Wuthering Heights, etc) my tweens were astonished by the tiny size of Charlotte Bronte's shoes, gloves, and lace collars, and fascinated to see the couch on which Emily Bronte had died! They didn't linger over every single artifact and they finished the tour somewhat faster than I did. But they enjoyed their experience.

Sometimes though, no matter how great your presentation was, or how well the visit seems to be going, something will go horribly wrong. Back to the Bronte's house. I had hooked my daughters because Jane Eyre is a set book at their school, and because they're both hopeless romantics and the visit had gone well enough. But my suggestion of a walk on the moors sent my older daughter into furious despair. It was time to use the art of compromise. Often known as bribery. In this case it was a well-earned treat in a tea shop after the walk - which didn't change my tween's mood during the walk but did enable the hike to take place. Don't be afraid to use a trip to the restaurant or gift-shop as an incentive for a well-behaved visit. Most cultural destinations have both. And, if you're in a foreign country, the food can be a cultural experience in itself.

Another valuable tool is a camera. Most tweens can enliven even the most tedious visit for themselves when in charge of photo ops. You'll find them running ahead or lagging behind taking photos of everything. And with digital cameras they can take as many shots as they like, even if many are deleted afterwards. We came back from one visit with over 100 photos of bedraggled sheep, but at least my tween had stopped whining and engaged in the visit at her own level (allowing us to engage at ours).

While you need to be considerate of your tween's interests, don't let their negativity deter you. The most important thing you can do is get them to the place you want to visit and take it from there. One positive experience leads to another. Often their perception of a "cultural visit" is very different to the reality so they may end up being as surprised as you by their enjoyment. Be sensitive to their needs and interests - but don't let them persuade you not to go. If nothing else is working, it can be a useful strategy to remind them of places that they really want to visit (fairs, amusement parks, etc) that you might not feel inclined to take them to if they don't stop whining and get with the program.

On one visit to Brussels I had attended to my daughters' wishes, given them ice cream, gone to a chocolate museum (their choice because the tour included chocolate tastings) and I decided it was time we did something for me: a Salvador Dali exhibition. Ignoring protests, I marched them in, suffered their initial grumblings and then something amusing happened. My older daughter noticed that the artwork was for sale. This wasn't culture, this was shopping! Her whole perspective changed. She came home from the exhibit and looked up Dali lithographs on eBay - for her bedroom! It's funny how culture can sneak up and grab even a tween's interest if you make it available to them. Just give it a try. Your tweens may even thank you.

Lindsey Tate is a children's book author living in NYC with her family. Her most recent book is Kate Larkin: The Bone Expert.